Problems, my shadow

Sometimes I think drinking is the only support for me which is going to be a great compliment for me otherwise don’t know what would have happened to me. Thanks to those who had discovered it. If this had been not in my life, don’t know how I would had been living when have got various types of problem in my life. People say that problems come and go in the life but here only problem comes, I have not yet seen any “exit” point for those problems.

Problems are so much attached to my life that I am compelled to think that they are not coming from any external source instead I think in fact I know that I am myself a “problem, Wherever I go they are with me. Whenever I turn back I can’t see any human support just problems and only problems are following me.

At the beginning I too use to think that why this happens to me, why not others but now there is a bit modification as after so many downs and downs in my life, I came to know that I am different from all other human creature.

I guess there at heaven discussion might take place when ever any problem comes and than at the time of distributing those problems to we human beings, they might be thinking that whom to give this problem than they would be thinking about me that yeah! This guy can handle it as he has got years of experience in this field. Problem is hungry for me or I am hungry for it, I still don’t know might be the later one is correct. Problems had occurred in my life in such a way that my friends also now think that let us not be with Amit or some day they might would strike with severe problem in addition to me.

My Experience of the bloody accident.

I remember the day when I met with an accident first time in my life. Previously I always use to be proud and thus use to make fun of others. I always use to pull almost all of my friends legs when ever they met with any vehicle accident and use to say, hey!!!! You poor guys and further explained,” If you guys don’t know how to drive, don’t drive”. I always use to take example of myself and thus use to say that “look at me, have you guys seen me on bed on account of accident, they use to refuse and than I feel proud on myself.

On that particular day at the morning hours I and Afsar can still experience the hang out of last night’s Rum. So to get “quick relief”, we decided to drink in the daylight itself. Actually we were having two full bottles of McDowell’s RUM on the previous night thus we drank and drank as much as we can and than when we can feel that the RUM is full inside the stomach in fact we can feel its appearance nearby to our neck, we stopped and slept.

As we woke that bloody RUM had still managed to make great deal of effect on our body which we can still feel in the form of body pain, nausea and headache. Someone told me someday,”if one is having hangout than the best solution to check it out is to drink again. I was confused as I had never drunk in the early morning but as Afsar started to drink, I also joined him. We too had drunk a lot that day in the daylight itself. After that we went for drive and were irritating other people and were making fun both in legal and illegal way.

At night good news came that two of our close mate (North East batch mate) were selected in a reputed company. They were giving treat and thus invited us. Again we had drunk (no matter we were already drunk). At night one guy doing M.Tech from here responded me in a bad way thus I broke up and gave him(and his companion) some good treatment which they will never forget in their entire life. There was “drama” in the “dhaba” where there was party. Finally, we had to leave that place in hurry as the owner of that “dhaba” called the police. Now me and Afsar both were on different bike and started to drive as fast as we can and that too in great hurry.

25th Feb 2009

I was having hearing in court today along with 29 of my batch mate. Our bad lunch came into appearance when I came to hear that the judge is on leave today the way of thinking was in two way on one hand I was happy as if I escape today on the other hand was thinking that this case is consuming number of days without any result. Also I was at least relieve for the whole day as was not to prove my identity that I am the one and only one Amit Kumar Singh popularly known as Sanjeev Kumar Singh.

as you guys might be knowing that I have got one more tension of the UFM case which is still not resolved. And so today again we met with faculty member, Anupama Sharma(Dean). She can consolation to wait and watch as her view was as the time will pass, the more is the chances that the decision will be in our favor. She saw just the changes in the post that suddenly occurred today.

And one more conflict came when I heard that our previous directly again came in his post as a director. I can’t forget this director the psycho, K.S. Pandey. This evening when I was surfing net two of the college faculty member came inside my room inside the hostel without even knocking, I was shocked to see them(Dr, Sushil Mittal and P.K.Jain). they entered inside my room as if some sort of investigation is going on. P.K. Jain said to Sushil Mittal sir that as I use to smoke a lot from the clue that the smell of cigarettes smoke is coming. I was worried to let them inside my room as if they entered in my room they will see about 30 bottles of empty MCdowell Rum inside my room. But thank god they just asked my name in a angry manner. Later on I came to know that they just came because to see whether any kind of ragging activities might be going on. You know this faculty members use to behave with we students as if they are doing something faithful on us in Hindi we call as if “koi ehshaan kar raha hai”. They move from my room and I can hear P.K. Jain saying to Mittal sir that I will tell about this guy’s history later on.

This evening my mom and Sister, Neha called me and we talked for about half an hour. After talking I felt a bit emotional but was not knowing whom to say my problem whom to find to discuss and to share my problem.

24rth Feb 2009

Usually we use to see the time in the morning from our respective mobile itself as from the very beginning seniors forcefully said not to wear the watches. We had to be on the Bhopal court before 11:00 am today as there was hearing for we guys there but when we wake up and show the time it was more than that and so in a hurry we had been to toilet and I unfortunately didn’t brushed today as was not having sufficient time for that and no question for dinner as we were getting late.

Finally it was one and half hour late when we reach the court. Thank god! As we just went inside the court the great news came that the hearing is extended till tomorrow in other words we were not punished for getting late. As the date of hearing were postponed so we were free today therefore we decided to utilize this time in the best possible way by meeting the faculty members to discuss for the UFM(unfair means) case. We met Dr. Sushil Mittal Sir, Our HOD of CSE Pateria Sir and Kaushik sir. The entire faculty members gave the consolation that they will try their level best to save us from any severe punishment from the UFM.

In the evening I took a little bit rest and than went for the ET (evening tea) and than had been to the terrace of the hostel. I use to be at the terrace whenever I feel upset. At the terrace I was thinking the same question again and again that “why does these things happen to me when I intentionally always wants to do good and also does good still why this happens to me”. And finally (as always) there was no answers just gave myself a bit consolation and came down to my room.

At night was doing blogging and than as I was upset (as I use to be most of the times) so thought to drink. And this time also as always thought to drink alone and till now I am drinking. But now second just students knock on my door and they are calling for the discussion for the pre meet so I have to leave. My GF called me and said she is not feeling well and thus she is going to sleep. And I am thinking that I wish I could talk to her later but my heart not giving the permission as she might be feeling sleepy and so to call is unfair to her.
Right now I am thinking that “what is life”. Why it hurts so much to me always. I think that the god even is being very unfair to me and so whenever any case is going to take place, god gave that case to me. I guess god might be thinking that no one other can handle such hard cases so the almighty always gave that to me. Any I am such a strong guy that don’t worry I will handle that and that too in a smiling manner.

23rd Feb 2009

23rd feb 2009

I am lying on the bed just thinking about what might be the time right now don't have slightest interest to search my clock and to see the exact time and now according to my own experience am thinking that whatever might be the time but it might be not 12:00 noon(as this is the time of lunch in our hostel). Almost all the day i use to miss the breakfast no matter on that day we have to attend the college or not. So talking about today when i realized that it might be 12:00 noon i woke up and what a surprise when it was 12:09(i am always good at guessing time as that's the experience of the last three years). Anyway finally as i have already discussed i woke up at last(No matter i hate to wake up, it does not matter whether it is early or late,"i simply hate to woke up").

Hey! boys are saying that today is "shiv ratri" thus some guys are having their fast on account of their religious faith, some are going for bath, some guys are dressing themselves with their new cloths they have purchase for the occasion of shiv ratri.These made me to remember my childhood days when i too use to wear new cloths in fact i use to wait for such occasions so that i can get the opportunity to wear new cloths. I too wish to do the same but my heart does not permit as no matter i am not sad than also a corner inside my heart is crying as we have to attend the court tomorrow as tomorrow there is an important decision waiting in the court. The whole day passed just by thinking that what i should do and what not. Sometimes i thought to read books, sometimes to watch movie(Hollywood or Bollywood again confused), sometimes thought to go to college temple.

At Last i decided to watch a reality show on my PC. Later on again i felt bored and as my GF
already advised me to go to temple so finally i went to college temple. Hey! please don't mind as without taking bath i am going inside the temple(in fact i forget when i took my bath last time). Anyway with full dedication for god i step inside the temple but ohh!!! god such a beautiful girl hear at the temple. In fact i forget that i am inside the temple was thinking as if i am in the heaven. Later on don't know where she disappeared as if a "princess of heaven" came into appearance on the great occasion of "maha shivratri".

Right now it is about 9:00 pm. I am writing the blog and four of my friends(Prateek, Afsar, Mohan, Hritanshu) are drinking, smoking and making all the fun on me as i am not drinking today.I too wanted to drink but i don't as i have not sufficient money for that. But still after have so much ups and downs in my thought, i finally decided to drink. Now as they drunk and left, i too wish to drink and manage the money but whom to say now don't know as its already too late.
I don't wants to sleep but i will as tomorrow i have to woke up early as i have to attend the court.

so guys good night take care.